i want to hold them like they do in texas plays.

I feel like writing stuff down on my lazy sunday.

So basically, lately i've been feeling useless. I don't go to school, i have a job, but thats not what i want at this point. I love the place where i live, i love the people, but it's choking me. I want to go to this academy in rotterdam and IF i ever get in, i want to move there, start over and make something of my future. (but since i get turned down all the time, i'm doubting that will ever happen)

When i'm at home like most of my days because i don't have a life, i want to do so many things, but i'm afraid to do them alone. I really don't need someone to hold my hand, i just need something or someone to give me a push. one that sets me to the right derection.

sometimes when i'm making assignments for schools i'm trying to get into, i feel so good, because i've got a goal, i'm creative and i really want to make something of this. But the feeling of being turned down really kicks in.

I don't know if it's the weather or just me being lazy. i want to get rid of this feeling and get out. go out.

I know what my goals are, i know what i want to do; make my own magazine and combine fashion, traveling&places and graphic design. but sometimes i think that the whole photographing thing is not what i'm supposed to do. I can totally lose myself when i'm behind the camera, and that it what i love about it so much.

it just bugs me that i'm getting nowhere.